The mind is a terrible thing to waste

Nowadays there's a lot of tension building in the majority of the population. Maybe I'm the only one but I'm definitely sensing it in a lot of people. Probably a mixture of things. Today we remember 9/11, others hyped over the political race, and other might have that on top of their daily stresses. Something about the air though has got me distraught though. I'll start off by saying i'm not sad or depressed or anything along those lines but recently I've been feeling worthless. Not like the shameful kind of worthlessness that makes you feel down in the dumps but the insignificant feeling that can come with the feelings of worthlessness. The kind of insignificance that makes you wonder your part in the world. It's been a while since things got deep so why all of a sudden out of nowhere some mysterious force or entity or just pure chance has dropped an exponentially large load on my thought process.. I mean come on who does that? I've got such bigger fish to fry and worry about that than how I am feeling. I've got school, I've got the gym, I've got work, I've got family, I've got friends, and many other things crossing my mind before I start thinking about the world and my part in it. I understand all the theories about like the butterfly effect or if you went back in time just your presence being there would change everything thus making everyone and everything significant in the grand scheme of things, but are we?... Time doesn't stop for us, so as humans we just keep on moving. yeah of course we'll stop to mourn and stuff for example like today but for most of us that didn't directly lose someone on 9/11 do you stop on a daily basis to think about those that did die? A strong portion of people don't, but does that now make us insensitive? To only care about those that died on the anniversary of their departure? It is a different story for those that lose a loved one and for the most part(i guess) a lot of them would want you to look for love again and to not let your life get stagnant but is that right do with regard to time and our part in the world? And now that all that is said where do we fit in all this? where do i fit in general? How do i know I'm living my life right when most signs point to no. Do i stick with the logicality of it all or do I go with that gut feeling. the butterflies that tell you your doing a good thing or that wrench twisting when something doesn't feel right. Why are we getting all caught up in things that are irrelevant to happiness and why can't i get all this off my mind... I'm not supposed to be the thinking type. i'm just a laborer. A brother. A son. A friend... so why am I thinking all of a sudden?

A blog post?? About damn time!

Yeah so it's been a while and my homeboy Brannon inspired me to write a blog post via a fb status I wrote that was only meant to be poetic but that's not the point! Point is I left you guys hanging! Gotta let you know what's good in my life right?? Well I'll work into all that over time with an actual schedule to my posts. But now that I'm back I kinda wanna talk about my goals made around new years time. I'm actually doing pretty damn well. On two of them at least. I got a car about two months ago and man she's a beauty. 2001 VW Passat. Got her for a steal and she's awesome. Still needs a touch of work but she runs like a charm. Did I mention she's got standard transmission and a sunroof? Hell yea!! Haha anyways I got that and I'm paying for this semester out of pocket meaning I'm making money right? Well I'm making enough to get by but not as much as I'd like. I was working at cross creek golf club and got fired because they wanted to work with someone new but really their finances were so bad they had to let me go. Like seriously bad. Like they couldn't get me gosh damned squeegee so I could properly clean the effing floors. But uh you didn't hear that from me lol. Anyways I'm making my pay through putting on the ritz again and this weekend was hell but it's money towards school.

But now there was that third goal that was my number 1 goal. Yep the BIG one. Like that FATTEST thing on my mind lol. Yeah I'm still big old Andrew and yeah I've been talking about weight loss for years but I dunno. I've just been slacking. I think deep down I'm afraid of the change but who knows. All I can say is though I wanna change. I wanna see a new me in te mirror everyday. I want girls to actually see me and wanna come up and talk to me. To make everyone proud including myself. I don't have self confidence issue so that boldness on a chiseled body and, whew man, all you ladies would just melt away at first glance at me haha. But that's the thing though. I have all this delusion and grandeur even though I've managed to straighten everything else out. It urks me guys but that's not to say I've made no progress. My shoulders are looking and feeling glorious. I just haven't gotten everything up to par and it's mostly been my cardio I need to work on. So enough talk right? The one goal has to be met. No deadline. Fuxk that. We're going for results and results alone. You heard? I got all the damn time in the world now that I've been fired, why the hell arent I body rockin yet!?

So yeah thats what's been goin on with my goals and I'm gonna keep on writing. Maybe if I can blog about all I eat and burn as well as the daily bitching, then heck maybe I can be set by before winter. Oh and just for the hell of it, I'm adding a picture of huijin being awesome. "She eats gamers like you for breakfast"

Another day, another dollar...spent

Don't even know what to write about. hardly any weight lost though i'm not gaining. still in debt. and still have bertha. fuck it. not giving up just worried about school and fitting everything in. doesn't help catering is so slow and they know i need work. like i said fuck it. i'll scrape by and just end the summer with not as much money saved up as i'd like. but that's all old same old stuff you guys already know lol. what's going on now? i had a happy valentines day. the night going into the 14th i stayed up late playing skyrim and infection on CoD with Charlie and his brother Thomas. it was awesome and waking up after that felt real good. went to bed around 4, woke up at 10. *beware this next part may hurt your views of me but i feel it's important to the story* smoked up before going to nutrition. had a huge smile on my face and meant it when i said happy valentines day to all the lovely ladies in my class. the tweets i posted that morning were pretty funny too haha check em out i'm @PoppaSamurai on twitter. anways then i saw sam and we talked the entire time before class. she's so awesome lol. anyways we talked and then after like 4 hugs and fuck valentines day remarks i changed for my candy making class and was on my way. it was good. the candies we made were spectacular and chef milborn made us bananas foster. i guess the closest number between 1-50 so i got the big one hehe. after that same came back and drove me home. funny too cause she reads this and is gonna be like omg stop talking about me on your blogggggg.
-dont know if you've noticed but i've given up on most spelling and grammar issues here just cause i'm feeling tired and off today but anyways-
after she dropped me off i had a snack and got to some skyrim for a while. it's such a fun game you guys should play it if you're into freedom and killing dragons and shit. so awesome. anyways.

i don't feel like typing much more so i'll sum up yesterday as shabby and today as crappy with some good things in the mix but it's really just my attitude that's been the problem. kinda down cause it's one of those days where you over think everything about one little thing but i digest. cause i just ate dinner. lol i know not funny but it's ok i still love you guys ;D

i was gonna ramble about some other things but just not in the mood so hopefully tomorrow morning i'll fill you guys in some more. peace love and happiness yo. much love and feel free to hit a brother up. my cell is on my facebook profile along with an awesome new picture.

Happy New Year Everybody: Time to rant

So here's to the new year starting off not too bad. Well at least no complaints on my part although that being said is going to be contradicted by me ranting and complaining about things people don't like in general BUT regarding the start of this year i'm not complaining. I've been in the gym 5 days a week and this is the 3rd week but I took a rest day cause my shoulder's been bothering me. Something in the tendon or nerve i need to get checked out but it's feeling good now and I should be good to get a great lift in tomorrow. I don't know if i've actually lost any weight because the scales at the gold's gym suck in my opinion. I just think they need to be re-calibrated is all because I was not 295 going into the gym 3 weeks ago but i digress.

My protein finally came in the mail today. I saw that package and my face lit up like the sky on the fourth of july. I'm becoming a bit of a gnc junkie haha. 3 lbs of AMP Wheybolic Extreme 60. Charlie said it's good and all i hear is good things about it. Had a shake today actually. Cookies and Cream! I mean it still tasted like whey protein but I've grown to love that taste. Disgustingly Delicious!! Haven't had any whey protein in a year and a half: before i started my first semester actually. Speaking of school i'm on and off about going back. This semester was a little rough but I'm not gonna talk much about that. just looking forward to a regular schedule again.

Now that i think about it i'm talking about my goals for the new year. That's the news for 1 primary goal, the weight loss, but i do have some good news regarding my second goal, a car. So I've talked about buying an '01 accord from my coworker, juan, or at least i have on my facebook. We've talked recently and he actually mentioned the prospect of actually buying my expedition to repair for himself and giving me his accord. whether he actually buys my car or we swap cars and I pay him some money but all this basically means I'll have a car probably within the next couple of weeks to a month. Good Things coming my way haha.

good looking with a good looking car?

fuck yeahh

I haven't actually ranted yet. maybe i won't. yeah i won't. the world of social media doesn't need anymore drama and bs and bitching put out there. so i'll end on a decent note. had chinese for dinner and just watched Rise of the Planet of the Apes. It was quite the movie. it was pretty darn good haha. now time to wind down and get ready for the gym tomorrow. and maybe some call of duty survival mode would be fun too. Night Everyone( or anyone haha) Hope you all had a wonderful new year's and hopefully see some people soon. hit me up and let's chill. just gotta pick me up hahaha. much love